


Lonely, Impatient, and a Bit Insecure

by violentlymastrubatin



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Artist!Harry, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Model!Louis, Self-Harm, mentions of abuse, sad!harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-01 18:54:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1047400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentlymastrubatin/pseuds/violentlymastrubatin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles, to anyone watching him, was a normal 19 year old. He had tattoos littering his body and enjoyed the occasional indie concert.  But he had a secret. Something he’d never told anyone. He liked to think it was normal, but he knew it really wasn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy :)

Harry Styles, to anyone watching him, was a normal 19 year old. He had tattoos littering his body and enjoyed the occasional indie concert.

He didn’t have a job, he lived with his mum, and had no idea what he was going to do with his life. He would’ve spent all his time in his room, considering he had no friends or anywhere to go. He liked to paint, to get his feelings out by running his brush over the canvas in the safety of his room.

He never really had friends when he was in school, and he knew he was different. He tried not to let it bother him, but he couldn’t help but be sad. It was hard being alone.

His mum urged him to get out more, so he made a ritual of going to his local coffee shop every morning to drink his tea and use his laptop. The employees knew him, they didn’t suspect a thing.

But he had a secret. Something he’d never told anyone.

He liked to think it was normal, but he knew it really wasn’t.

It all started one day when he was 18, when he stumbled upon Ralph Lauren’s website while he was in the coffee shop. His mum was pestering him to get nice clothes for her wedding, and he’d finally caved.

As he scrolled absent mindedly through what seemed to be an endless array of many different colored polos, something caught his eye. Or, someone, that is.

He remembered how his heart skipped, and he swore that the man’s eyes were staring into his soul through the screen. They were deep and blue and mysterious and it made him want to melt into the screen with him. And he found himself clicking the button to add the polo to his cart, hoping there was some way this man would show up on his doorstep.

He’d searched Ralph Lauren’s website the rest of the day, finding more pictures of the mysterious model. He couldn’t find his name anywhere, he only knew him by his beautiful face. Until the coffee shop closed, and he was forced to return home, his head swimming with pictures of him.

Looking at all the pictures made him more aware of his breathtaking features, the way his thin pink lips either curled into a smile, or sat in a straight line. The way his eyebrows arched perfectly under the feathery hair swooping over his forehead. He found himself wondering if his skin was as smooth as it appeared. Looking at him made all the sadness go away, and he felt like he knew this man.

He knew the man’s face so well, he’d go home and paint pictures of him. His room was filled with portraits upon portraits. He just couldn’t capture his beauty, but it was enough to hold him over until the coffee shop opened in the morning.

And now, a year later, Harry sat in his usual table in the back corner of the coffee shop, searching desperately on Google for the man’s name. He only saw him on the Ralph Lauren website, his name was nowhere. He groaned in frustration and raked a hand through his hair, letting his head fall to the table with a thump.

He knew it was more than ridiculous to be in love with some model on a website, but he was. He knew people thought he was weird, and whispered when they thought he couldn’t hear. But he didn’t mind.

He was interrupted when a cup of tea was set on the table next to him. He lifted his head and mumbled a thank you before picking up the glass to sip at it. He’d grown farther apart from his mother because of this man, he’d pushed away anyone who wanted to be friends because that meant less time in the coffee shop. He was infatuated, obsessed.

His eyes scanned the shop as he drank his tea, wondering how else he could find him.

The little bell on the door rang as it opened, and someone came in, pulling a gust of cool London air in with them. Harry watched curiously as the man pulled his scarf away from his face, and removed his hat to shove it into his pocket. His collar was still popped up, and he couldn’t see the guy’s face.

He turned back to his laptop with a sigh, setting his mug down as he stared back at the man behind the screen.

“Is this seat taken?” He heard a voice ask somewhere next to him. He shook his head, but kept his eyes fixated on the screen, scrolling through the pictures as he picked up his mug to sip at the tea again. He heard the chair scraping against the floor and heard the man sit down next to him.

“I’m Louis.” The voice said again, and he mumbled back ‘I’m Harry’. He wished the guy would just leave him alone, he was deep in thought.

Finally, the guy shut up and let him think in peace. He knew he was staring at his laptop screen, but he didn’t care. He needed to think.

“Hey, that’s me.”

Harry turned from his computer screen to the man next to him. He was met by a pair of all too familiar eyes, ones swimming with mystery and mischief. His breath caught in his throat and his mug clattered to the table, spilling his tea all over the table.

Louis. His name was Louis.

He kept his eyes glued to Louis as he rambled on about how sorry he was, mopping up the tea with his napkin.

“I-It’s okay.” Harry stuttered, still not taking his eyes off of Louis.

Louis looked up from the table to see Harry staring at him. He flashed a smile, revealing a row of white teeth. Harry swallowed nervously and turned to his laptop, switching the tab so it wasn’t on Louis anymore.

“I loved that shoot.” Louis commented, gesturing to the computer screen as he drank his coffee. So much for breaking the awkward silence.

Harry was still shocked, and he just stared at the blank tab on his computer screen. He couldn’t even bring himself to form words. The man he’d been searching for for the past year was sitting next to him. Talking to him. Living. Breathing. He was real.

Louis hummed to fill the awkward silence as he finished off his coffee. “Well it was nice meeting you Harry.” He said, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“You too.” Harry said back, biting his tongue so he wouldn’t say anything he’d regret.

Louis got up to leave, leaving money for both Harry and his drinks. He started walking towards the door, Harry’s eyes still fixed on him.

What was he doing? What if he never saw him again?

“Louis, wait!” He called across the shop, jumping up from his chair to run over to the door. Louis stopped, and turned to look at him.

“Yes?” Louis asked, his lips turning up into a smirk.

“D-do you want to.. go for coffee sometime?” He asked, his cheeks turning pink as he shoved his hands in his pockets so they’d stop shaking.

Louis’ smirk turned into a wide smile and he reached into his pocket to pull out a business card. He handed it to Harry. “Sure. Give me a call sometime.” He said and turned to the door, swiftly walking out.

Harry stared down at the card in his hand. Louis Tomlinson, it read. Model. He smiled down at it like an idiot, only moving when some guy needed to get out the door. This man was real, and even more beautiful in person. And he was going for coffee with him.

It took 365 days, countless cups of tea, hours of scrolling through websites, and he finally found him.

And for once, he didn’t feel so alone.

 

I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE COMMENT IF YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO CON


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to keep it going :)

Two days later, Harry sat in a different coffee shop, one closer to where Louis lived, nervously staring down at his reflection in the black coffee.

He didn’t know why he was so nervous, Louis seemed very easy to talk to and a nice guy. But something deep inside of him thought Louis would get to know him and just leave. It’s what everyone else had done to him.

He tapped his hands on the glass mug until he heard the bell above the door ring. He saw Louis walk in, wearing the same black button up coat with the dark blue scarf. He swallowed nervously and looked at the table in front of him, anywhere but at Louis.

He jerked his eyes away from the table when he heard the chair scrape against the slate floor tiles as Louis pulled it away from the table. He plopped down in the chair and flashed that amazing smile at him. Harry swore Louis knew what he was doing to him.

“Hey.” Harry choked out, returning the smile to Louis.

“Hi.” Louis said back, unwinding his scarf from his neck to set it in his lap.

“I ordered you a coffee, it should be here soon.” Harry said, sitting up a little straighter as his hands gripped the coffee cup tighter. He couldn’t let it show how nervous he was, Louis would surely leave then.

As if on cue, the waitress came and set a mug of coffee in front of Louis. Louis smiled at the woman sweetly and thanked her.

“You want cream? Sugar?” Harry asked, stumbling over his words as he reached for the little packets of sugar and milk. He heard Louis laugh and then two warm hands covered his.

“Why so nervous, love?” He asked, laughing as he just reached for the sugar. He tore it open and swiftly entered its contents into the mug.

Harry watched his hands work, shrugging a little. “I’m not nervous.” He said, gripping his mug tighter again.

Louis laughed again, and even though he was laughing at Harry, he still thought it was one of the best sounds he’d heard.

“Yes you are, you’re going to break that mug.” He said and reached over to gently pry Harry’s hands from around the mug.

Harry looked up from the mug to meet Louis eyes. He still felt Louis’ hands enveloping his in warmth, and that combined with losing himself in Louis’ eyes, made him get that familiar feeling deep in his chest. He knew he loved Louis.

Louis was the one to break the eye contact, to look down at where his hands where around Harry’s. He cleared his throat and pulled them away. “You’re hands are soft.” He giggled, picking up his mug to sip at his coffee.

Harry blushed and ran his fingers over the back of his own hand, frowning. “I moisturize often.” He said with a smile as he reached for his own mug, picking it up without his death grip. He heard Louis laugh, and felt proud of himself.

It was all they needed, just something to break the barrier between them.

They talked about everything from their favorite foods to their favorite bands to their families. They seemed to have quite a bit in common, but also had their major differences. But it just made him want to learn more about Louis.

He couldn’t believe one day he was staring at this man through his computer screen, longing to see him in person, to hear his voice, his laugh, see him anywhere besides in a white box wearing Ralph Lauren. And now he was sitting in the chair across from him, drinking coffee. He was a real person, not something his mind made up.

Harry finished off his coffee and looked up at Louis to see him staring out the window nervously.

“Hey, Lou.” Harry said, reaching over to tap Louis’ hand. Louis eyes shot over to him, and his expression softened again. “Yeah?” He asked.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

Louis just shook his head and downed the rest of his coffee. “Nothing.” He said and pulled out his wallet, setting a few bills on the table, enough for both of their drinks, again. “Just an.. erm.. bird.” He mumbled, waving his hand towards the window.

Harry’s heart sunk and he turned to look out the window, seeing nothing expect a man, who looked away the second Harry looked out the window. He turned to look at Louis as he shoved his wallet back into his pocket. He must’ve gotten bored of talking to him or something.

Louis started to get up, but Harry couldn’t let him just walk away.

“Louis!” He said, getting up to grab Louis’ sleeve before he could get farther. “Why are you leaving?” He asked sadly, letting go of Louis’ sleeve as Louis stared at him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry Harry.” He said and pulled Harry in for a hug. Harry’s eyes widened and his heart beat sped up, he couldn’t even bring himself to hug back because he was so shocked. Louis smelled like peppermints and vanilla and it was one of the most addicting things he’d ever smelled.

But then Louis was pulling away, sighing. “I totally forgot, I’m late for an appointment. Call me, we’ll do this again, okay?” He asked, leaning in to gently kiss Harry’s cheek before quickly turning around to walk out the door.

When Harry finally remembered to breathe, he reached up and ran his finger across his cheek where Louis’ lips had been a moment before. He stared at the door until he shut and went back to the table they’d been sitting at. He watched Louis walk down the sidewalk, the brisk wind ruffling his hair.

He lightly tapped on the window, getting Louis’ attention. Harry waved, and Louis waved back with his famous smile. Harry smiled back; his cheeks were starting to hurt already from how much he’d been smiling.

He continued watching Louis as he walked down the sidewalk, until he walked up to a man leaning against the building. It was the same man that had been looking into the window just a minute before. He furrowed his eyebrows as the man grabbed Louis’ arm roughly. He watched the man, who seemed to be yelling at Louis. Louis just shrunk down with every wave of the man’s hand as he talked.

Harry gasped when the man raised his hand and slapped Louis clean across the face, and anger boiled in the pit of his stomach. Why was this man yelling and hitting Louis? Louis didn’t deserve that, he was funny, sweet, Louis. His, or so he liked to think.

He watched as the man pulled Louis into him by the collar on his coat, until their faces were close together. The man smashed his lips onto Louis’, holding him so he wouldn’t pull away. Louis seemed to be squirming to get away, but the man was holding him too tightly.

His heart ached in his chest, and the empty feeling filled him again. Why had he gotten his hopes up? There had to have been some catch, things couldn’t work out that perfectly for him. They never had in his life before, why would they now?

Harry wanted to run out there and pull the man off of him, but it wasn’t his place. Louis had a boyfriend, who else would be kissing him? But he was being so rough, so mean, with someone who seemed as fragile as glass.

But obviously, he wasn’t a very good boyfriend. He wanted to call Louis, ask him about it, but on the other hand he didn’t want to bother Louis about it. Maybe he actually liked this guy.

He looked away from them once they started walking away. He noticed the scarf draped on the chair across from him, and recognized it as Louis’. He snatched it up, pressing his face into it. Peppermint and vanilla.

He stood up from his chair and walked out of the coffee shop, wrapping the scarf around his neck. He’d give it back, of course. After the smell of Louis wore off.

If you were to ask Harry Styles what he did that night, he’d tell you he went home and drank his tea before heading off to bed.

But really, he went home and laid in his bed, the scarf still wrapped around his neck. He stared at his ceiling. Thinking, thinking, thinking.

He wanted to help Louis. He couldn’t let him stay with this guy, this guy who yelled at him and hit him? He had no idea how he’d bring it up to Louis. But he needed to help.

He didn’t want to go back to being alone, to sit at that lonely coffee shop every morning. Louis gave him something to live for, to look forward to.

 

He barely knew Louis, even though he’d known about him for over a year now. But he couldn’t help but think of how much better off Louis would be with him.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry didn’t get a call from Louis for a week.

He expected him to call, even if it was Louis saying he didn’t want to see him anymore. It was better than the anxiety he had now.

He sat perched on his bed, the blue scarf in his lap. The peppermint and vanilla had started to fade away, along with his sanity. He couldn’t think of anything except Louis. Where was he? Why wasn’t he calling? Is he hurt?

He stared curiously at the drawings all over his room of Louis. Oh how many details he missed, they seemed a lot worse now that he’d seen Louis in person. He knew he’d never be able to capture his beauty on a canvas.

It had only been a week, and it was very possible that Louis could’ve just been having a busy week, modeling and all. But Harry was assuming the worst. He had Louis’ phone number, but no way was he calling Louis first. He couldn’t come off as desperate, even though he very much was.

He sighed loudly and laid back in his bed, rolling so his face was pressed into the pillow. His head hurt, his heart hurt. He was almost asleep when his phone started ringing.

He groaned and reached blindly for his phone and saw that Louis was calling him. His eyes widened and scrambled to sit up. He stared at his phone as the stupid marimba ringtone blared in his ears. He didn’t want to answer, he hated talking to people on the phone. What if he said something dumb?

Before he knew it the phone stopped ringing and he groaned. It was too late now, he’d messed it up. He ran his hands through his hair and waited for the voicemail to come. His phone beeped and he picked it up.

“Hey Harry! Maybe I’m catching you at a bad time.. But I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee? In about 15 minutes? I’m sorry for the short notice, I just happened to be in town and..”

Harry didn’t hear the rest because he shoved his phone in his pocket as he ran out his door. He clutched Louis’ blue scarf in his hand as he went out the door. He text Louis saying he’d meet him at the coffee shop.

Harry ran most of the way, not able to contain his excitement. He was obsessed, and a week was a long time to go without seeing Louis. He wrapped the scarf around his neck, figuring he could just take it off before Louis came.

He sat in his normal corner of the coffee shop, his laptop absent for once. He didn’t need it anymore. He ordered two coffees, so they’d be ready by the time Louis arrived.

The door opened, the bell rang, and his head shot up to see Louis walking through the door. His heart stopped for a second, his breath hitched. Just as it had on their last coffee date.

When Louis spotted him, his lips turned up into a grin and he walked over. He sat down and Harry smiled back shyly at him. “Hi.” He couldn’t help but notice a bruise by Louis’ eye. It was very faded, but still there.

Louis laughed and ran his fingers through his hair, which was tousled by the wind. “Hey.” He said back and gazed at Harry.

Harry blushed and looked down at the table. “Why are you wearing my scarf?” Louis laughed, and Harry’s face paled. He’d forgotten to take it off.

“Um.. y-you left it here last time.” He said sheepishly and unwrapped it from his neck, still staring down at the table. He felt to warm hands wrap around his to stop him.

“No, why don’t you keep it? I’ve got more scarves.” Louis said and Harry looked up to meet Louis’ eyes, a lot closer than they’d been before. Harry smiled back at him and put the scarf back around his neck.

“Thanks.” He said and the waitress set their coffees down. Harry watched Louis stare down at his coffee. “Something wrong?” He asked.

Louis looked up at him and shook his head. “Nah, it’s just, don’t you drink anything but coffee?” He laughed and Harry laughed too.

“Not really.” He said, reaching for the sugar to pour a large amount into his mug. Louis’ eyes widened and he stifled another laugh.

“You’ll rot your teeth.” Louis giggled, and Harry just drank his coffee as he rolled his eyes.

They talked and talked and talked, and the staff of the coffee shop was starting to get annoyed because they weren’t buying anything.

Harry started asking him about his modeling, and after that he wouldn’t shut up. The way his face lit up when he explained the process, how they did his hair and makeup. Harry could tell how passionate he was about it, how much he loved it. He also learned that he’d modeled a lot more than on that Ralph Lauren website.

“How do you get your hair like that?” Harry asked, referring to Louis’ hair. It just stuck up in every perfect way, and it just hypnotized him.

Louis sighed and got up from his chair, walked around the table, and sat in the chair next to Harry. “I’ll show you.” He said with a big smile on his face. He tentatively reached out and ran his fingers through Harry’s hair. Harry stared at him with wide eyes, leaning into his touch as he combed his hair in a bunch of different directions. He stuck his tongue out the side of his mouth as he did, and it was the cutest thing ever.

“Do you have a perm or something?” Louis laughed, and Harry frowned.

“I do not. These curls are natural.” He said and stared up at Louis.

“You sound like a girl.”

A few minutes later, Louis had his hands out of Harry’s hair and Louis was giggling at him again. “It looks great. He picked up his phone and told Harry to smile, so he did. He turned his phone around to show him the picture, and his hair looked dumb. It looked like Louis, but it made him look like he was 10.

“Looks great.” He laughed and looked away from the phone to see Louis’ face really close to his again. He gasped quietly and his eyes widened.

Louis’ eyes dashed from his, down to his lips, and then back up to his eyes. “That scarf looks really nice on you.” He muttered and leaned in to catch Harry’s lips in his own.

Harry stopped, not kissing back for a second, because he couldn’t believe it was happening. Louis pulled away, confused. “I-I’m sorry.” Louis blushed and Harry’s eyes widened.

“No, no.” He said and reached out to take Louis’ face in his hands. He pulled him back over and pressed his lips gently to Louis’. He tasted just like he’d smelled, vanilla and peppermint.

Suddenly, Louis pulled his head away and dug in his pocket for his phone. He groaned at whatever it said and shoved it back in his pocket. “I gotta go.” He said sadly and looked back at Harry.

Harry’s expression fell and he sighed. “Okay.” He said and saw Louis digging in his pocket again. He shook his head and put his hand on Louis’ arm. “I’ve got it this time.” He said with a small smile as he pulled out his own wallet.

“I’ll text you, okay? Maybe we could go for dinner sometime.” Louis said as he got up from his chair. Harry stood up too, opening his arms with a friendly smile. Louis smiled back and wrapped his arms around Harry’s middle, and Harry hugged him right back.

He pecked Louis’ lips after he pulled away and then Louis was off, running out into the cold street. He watched him through the window, and he walked over to a guy in a black coat. The man took ahold of his arm and pulled him away roughly.

Harry sighed and turned away from the window, not wanting to watch. He had to confront Louis about it next time. He laid a few bills from his wallet on the table and then walked out of the shop, walking in the opposite direction that Louis and the man had gone.

As he walked, he thought a lot more than he should’ve. Just as he usually did.

He knew Louis needed help, but obviously he was either too scared to ask for it or he didn’t want it, because he hadn’t said anything to him about this abusive boyfriend at all.

He just knew he wanted Louis all to himself. He couldn’t lose Louis, and be alone again.

He thought back to when they’d kissed. Louis wouldn’t just kiss him if he didn’t like him back. His heart fluttered a little, knowing that someone as perfect as Louis liked him back.

He walked the rest of the way home with a smile on his face, because for once things were working out for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys are enjoying this :)x


	4. Chapter 4

Harry had changed after that day, for the better.

He was overall happier, more social, and he just felt great. He actually had a reason to wake up in the morning now, someone to dream about and live for. It was amazing.

He and Louis text each other nonstop after their date that night; Harry stayed up long into the night to read Louis’ endless ramblings about modeling. But he didn’t mind. Talking to Louis was precious, especially after he’d waited for so long to meet him.

He still worried deeply about Louis. He couldn’t stop thinking about his boyfriend, and he’d constantly think about if Louis was with him, if he was hurting Louis. It actually upset him a bit that Louis wouldn’t just tell him about this man.

So, he decided to confront Louis about it. He text Louis about another coffee date, and Louis was quick in making the plans for the next day.

He showed up at their usual coffee shop at ten o’clock sharp the next morning, to see that Louis was already sitting in their table in the back corner. It had become their table, since no one else ever sat there and it was the only table they’d ever sat at on their dates.

He got butterflies in his stomach as he walked towards the table, because only a few short weeks ago he was sitting there, scouring the internet for any clues on who Louis was. And now there he was, sitting right there.

Harry grinned at Louis as he sat down at the table, shrugging his coat off onto the back of the chair and unwrapping the deep blue scarf from his neck, the one that had once been Louis’. “Hello.” He said happily, reaching out for the cup of coffee Louis had already ordered for him.

Louis smiled back at him, and that just led to more butterflies. He still hadn’t gotten over it. “Hey.” Louis replied, sounding equally as excited as him. “So, what’s up?” He asked, wrapping his little hands around his own coffee mug. Harry just adored his hands, they were so small.

Harry shrugged. “Just wanted to talk. I missed you.” He said with a little smile, sipping his coffee. He didn’t know how to approach Louis about his boyfriend, and he mentally slapped himself for not thinking about how to bring it up.

Louis stared at him, waiting for him to continue. Harry swallowed thickly, looking down at his reflection in the coffee. “Um.. actually, there is something I wanted to talk to you about.” He said quietly, tapping his foot nervously under the table. Hopefully Louis wouldn’t get upset about him asking about it.

He let out a sigh and cleared his throat. “The other day after you left the coffee shop.. I saw you leave with that man. And he slapped you.” He paused, pulling his eyes away from his coffee to look up at Louis. “And then he kissed you.”

He watched the color drain from Louis’ face and he immediately regret bringing it up. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk about it.” He said, his shoulders falling in defeat. But Louis shook his head.

“No.. you deserve to know.” Louis said quietly, looking back down at his coffee. Harry looked back down to the table too, waiting for Louis to say something. His heart started beating faster, and he really hoped Louis would just say it was just then that he hit him. He didn’t want to imagine that man hurting precious Louis all the time.

“Jake is my boyfriend.” Louis sighed, and Harry’s heart fell, even though he already suspected that much. “We’ve been together for two months, and he was great to me the first few weeks. And then he started getting mad at me for little things, like leaving my shoes around the house or not making dinner right. Then he would hurt me.” Louis said quietly, and Harry looked back up at him.

He reached across the table and put his hands over Louis’, smiling sadly at him, encouraging him to continue even if his heart was already broken.

Louis continued. “After our first date, Jake was waiting for me outside of the coffee shop. He found out I was with you and he got really mad. I told him I wouldn’t see you anymore, but then we had our second date. He text me a bunch of times, because he found out I was with you again, and that’s why I had to leave early. And when I got home I promised I wouldn’t see you anymore.” He explained, his grip on Harry’s hands tightening with each sentence.

“I told him I had a photo shoot today so I could come.” Louis finished, and Harry nodded, understanding completely now. He wasn’t so upset why Louis hadn’t told him, because he knew he was probably scared out of his mind.

“I’m so sorry you have to go through that love.” Harry said, lifting Louis’ delicate little hands up to his lips to gently kiss each of them. “You know you don’t deserve that.” He said, looking back up to Louis’ eyes, which were no longer filled with the mischief and happiness like they had earlier, but now were filled with fear, sadness.

“I don’t know how to break up with him Harry. I’m scared that if I do he’ll come after me and kill me or something.” Louis said, and Harry could hear the tears coming in his voice.

He let go of Louis’ hands and got up from his chair, walking around the table to take the seat next to Louis. He was glad they sat in the back now, then everyone wouldn’t have to see Louis like that. He wrapped his arm around Louis’ shoulders, pulling him into his side. Shaking, Louis slowly leaned into his side.

He wanted to let Louis get his feelings out, but not in this coffee shop. “C’mon love, let’s go.” He said, standing up and putting his coat back on before taking Louis’ hand to pull him from the shop after leaving a few pounds on the table. He walked quickly through the people on the sidewalks, pulling Louis behind him.

Harry lead Louis into his and his mum’s apartment and past his mother cooking in the kitchen to his mess of a room. He had long since stashed away all of his Louis paintings, in case something like this happened when he got to bring Louis to his house. He sat down on his bed, and pulled Louis into his lap, holding him extremely tight because he was still trembling.

“Shh.” He cooed into Louis’ ear as he started to cry. Harry knew he had to do this. And soon, Louis was sobbing into the shoulder of his coat. He hated that someone as amazing as Louis had been treated so horribly, but he knew he couldn’t have prevented it. So it was his job to help as much as he could.

He let Louis cry his heart out, just cradling him in his arms and offering as much comfort as he could. He felt so powerless. He absolutely hated seeing Louis like that; he didn’t understand it. How could someone hurt a person they supposedly loved so much?

When Louis was cried out, it was well into the afternoon. He still continued to hold Louis, sifting his fingers through Louis’ feathery soft hair. He was glad Louis hadn’t said anything about going home, because he didn’t want to let Louis go back.

About an hour after Louis stopped crying, he realized Louis had fallen asleep in his arms. He looked down at him. His red eyes, swollen from crying so hard, his thin little lips slightly open as he snored cute little snores. His eyelashes fell delicately over the tops of his cheeks, his eyes flickering beneath his eyelids as he dreamed. He wondered if it was about him, because he’d had multiple dreams about Louis. Not that he’d admit it.

And soon, he found himself falling asleep too. Just like Louis, he had a dream. A dream about how perfect his life could be if he ended up with Louis, being able to fall asleep next to him every night and wake up next to him every morning. In his mind, paradise.

Because if he didn’t end up with Louis, he didn’t know what he’d do. No one could compare to Louis, look like him, be like him. How could someone be, when he knew no one ever could.

 

He couldn’t afford to lose Louis.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for reading ily :)x

Harry woke up in the morning, and Louis was gone.

He hadn’t expected him to be there, but a little part of him could hope, right? He sat up, rubbing at his eyes tiredly as he remembered the events of the night before. Louis confessing to his abusive boyfriend, the crying, the talking. His phone was lit up, so he reached over and grabbed it to see a text from Louis, where he apologized for leaving. He didn’t really mind, Louis probably had to go home so Jake couldn’t question him.

He just prayed that Louis would talk to Jake and break up with him. He wanted to be Louis’ boyfriend, and be able to treat him way better than Jake had ever treated him. But he knew Louis was too shy, too scared to confront Jake. He would be too.

He decided to give Louis some time to confront Jake without interrupting him, so for the next couple days he limited his texts to Louis. Even after a few days he found himself missing Louis like crazy. He wondered if Louis missed him too, if he was even as closely attached to him as he was to Louis. He liked to think that he was.

Three days after their date, he dug out his old paintings and his paints. He got himself a new blank canvas, and set it upon his easel. He scrolled through all of his and Louis’ old texts messages until he found the picture of himself that he’d taken and sent one day. Looking beautiful, as always.

And he started to paint. It was so much easier than before, doing it from memory. He didn’t even really have to look at the picture on his phone to paint it, he’d spent so much time gazing at it, memorizing. Some might find it creepy, but he just loved focusing in on all the perfect details of his face. The crinkles by his eyes, the way his nose scrunched up adorably when he smiled, the way his eyebrows arched perfectly over his eyes.

He painted and painted and painted, hoping to add this portrait to his collection. He wondered what Louis would think if he saw the array of paintings, if he would think it was weird or if he’d enjoy them. He also thought about telling Louis the months he spent searching for him online. As much as he wanted to, he didn’t want to scare him away.

He sat back on his bed once he finished painting, staring at the easel from across the room, his phone sitting in his lap. He debated on whether or not to text Louis. He really wanted to see him again, but he also wanted Louis to focus on working up the courage to talk to Jake.

Of course, he ended up texting Louis, asking him if he wanted to come over for dinner. And, of course, he said yes. He couldn’t help but get excited, like he always did, to see Louis. He stashed all of his paintings away again. He wasn’t ready to show Louis, he decided.

A few hours later, he was standing in his kitchen, an apron protecting one of his best sweaters from the spaghetti sauce he was making for their date. He was humming as he stirred the pasta around in the pot, spinning around to open the cabinet and taking two plates out to set the table. He was just so happy.

The doorbell rang, and he squealed before hurrying to the door. He swung it open to see the only person he wanted to see. Louis, looking beautiful as always, holding a single red rose.

“Love your apron.” Louis laughed, and Harry just smiled and took the rose when it was handed to him. He leaned down to smell the beautiful flower as he let Louis inside, and he tried not to notice that Louis was trying to avoid looking him in the eye. Something wasn’t right, Louis’ laugh seemed empty, his smile fake. He led Louis into the kitchen, his heart pounding excitedly.

“Smells wonderful.” He heard Louis call from behind him, and he smiled to himself. He really hoped Louis liked his cooking.

But when he turned around to look at Louis once they were in the kitchen, his heart fell. All of the happiness that filled him a second earlier was gone. Louis’ once flawless face was now littered with bruises, ranging from little ones on his cheeks to a large, purple one ringing his eye. He really felt like he would get sick. “Louis..” He said, setting the rose down on the table.

Louis just looked at him, not even a fake smile on his face anymore. He looked exhausted, dark bags lined the underside of his eyes. He was a sad kind of beautiful, and he really missed his cheery bright eyes, and his big, genuine smile. “I know.” Louis said sadly, sitting down at the table with a sigh.

Harry turned the stove off, not even hungry or excited for Louis to taste his food anymore. He sat next to Louis, and immediately grabbed his hand. “What happened?” He asked softly, his thumb running across the ridges of Louis’ knuckles as he waited for his answer.

“When I got home the other morning, after I stayed over here, Jake tried to get me to tell him where I was. I didn’t want to tell him, but he hurt me until I did.” Louis said, staring down at his lap. “He doesn’t want me to see you anymore Harry. I had to sneak past him just to come here.” He said, finally looking up at Harry with sadness in his eyes. “I don’t want to stop talking to you Harry.” He choked, squeezing Harry’s hand

Harry shook his head, squeezing Louis’ hand back as he swallowed back the lump in his throat. “Louis, you can’t keep doing this.” He said seriously, reaching up to wipe at the tear that slipped from his eye. It wasn’t fair that someone as perfect and sweet as Louis had to get treated like shit. “You have to break up with him Louis, you can’t keep getting hurt.” He said sternly.

“You don’t understand Harry. It’s not that easy.” Louis replied, looking back to his lap. “He would find me if I broke up with him, he’d hurt me and you. I can’t drag you into this, I can’t let him hurt you too.” He said.

Harry understood fully why Louis was scared, and he really didn’t know what to do. He leaned in and wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist, hugging him tightly. “I know, it’s hard love.” He said softly, rubbing circles on Louis’ back. Louis didn’t say anything for awhile, and neither did he. He didn’t have any idea what to say.

“Harry.” Louis sniffled into his shoulder, and Harry hummed, signaling him to continue. “I love you.” Louis said quietly, and Harry’s heart fluttered. Louis hadn’t really just said that, had he? No way could the Ralph Lauren model he’d admired over the internet for months say that he loved a skinny little teenager that sat behind a computer screen most of the time. But he really had said it.

“I love you too sweetheart.” Harry replied without hesitation. And then he just held Louis as he struggled to keep the tears inside. He was so happy, but he was also so sad. Their love for each other really meant nothing if Jake was going to be in the middle of it all.

“Hey, I’ve got something to show you.” Harry said, pulling back from Louis to stand up. He held his hand out for Louis, and he sniffled a bit before taking it and standing up. He wanted to get Louis’ mind off of this Jake stuff for a few minutes.

He led Louis up to his bedroom and flicked the lights on. He instructed Louis to sit down on his bed and he took a deep breath before opening his closet, looking down at all the paintings. He motioned for Louis to come over, and they both sat on the floor in front of his tiny little closet.

“You know when we met in the coffee shop that day?” Harry asked, looking over at Louis, who nodded. “And how I had that website up, that had your pictures on it?” He asked, and Louis nodded again.

And from there, he went on to explain everything to Louis. How he’d stumbled across him while shopping, and how from there how he’d really become infatuated with him, obsessed with finding out who he was. He told him how ecstatic he’d been when he sat next to him, how relieved he was to finally find out who he was. And the best part was, Louis didn’t find it creepy after all.

Louis was smiling, a real smile, and some of the happiness was back in his eyes. He showed Louis the paintings, the ones on little canvases, and the ones on the big ones. “These are amazing Harry.” Louis said, looking at the one he held in his hands that Harry had painted of one of his modeling pictures. Harry blushed a little, and started putting the canvases back in his closet. “I don’t know about amazing..” He laughed, closing his closet back up before helping Louis stand back up.

“I better be heading out..” Louis said sadly, looking over at Harry. But he shook his head.

“We didn’t even have dinner yet.” Harry said, laughing a little.

“Well Jake will get mad.. It’s been awhile and I told him I was only shopping.” Louis said, and Harry sighed.

“Okay, but you have to promise me something first.” Harry said, taking hold of Louis’ hand again. “You have to promise me that you’ll try to talk to Jake, okay?” He said, and Louis nodded.

“I promise.” Louis said quietly. 

Harry walked Louis to the front door, and pecked his cheek before he walked out the door. He watched Louis walk to his car, and right before he got in, he called out, “I love you!”

He could see Louis smile in the darkness. “I love you too.”


	6. Chapter 6

Louis went home that night after his and Harry’s date, prepared to talk to Jake when he walked through the door.

He was waiting, of course he was. He always did.

“Where are the groceries?” Jake asked, pushing off of the wall by the door where he’d been leaning. Louis furrowed his eyebrows.

“What groceries?” Louis asked, toeing his shoes off and shrugging off his coat to hang it on the hook by the door. He could feel Jake’s eyes on him, and he then realized that he’d told Jake he was going shopping, not having dinner at Harry’s.

“The ones you were supposed out buying.” Jake sneered, pushing Louis away from the coat rack against the wall. Louis stared up into his yellow eyes, and swallowed nervously, his wrists pinned against the wall by Jake’s hands.

“U-um..” Louis started, but before he could come up with an excuse, Jake dropped his wrists and instead wrapped his hands tightly around his throat, squeezing as his face filled with anger. Louis gasped for breath, clawing at Jake’s hands. But he wouldn’t let up.

“I know where you’ve been, you bitch.” Jake growled, staring deep into his eyes. He loosed his grip a little on his throat, and Louis saw his lips turn up into an ugly smirk. “You were with that boy. The one from the coffee shop, right?” He laughed, and Jake let his hands fall from Louis’ throat completely. But he still kept Louis against the wall.

Louis didn’t say anything, because anything he would say would just anger Jake even more. “How dare you cheat on me. How dare you! After all I’ve done for you!” Jake spat in his face, and raised his hand to slap Louis’ clean across his cheek, where Harry had kissed him only a few minutes earlier. He wished he would’ve just stayed with Harry.

“You are never to see him again, you understand?” Jake said, pushing all of his weight against Louis’ body, pressing him to the wall.

“No.” Louis squeaked, looking everywhere but at Jake’s eyes in front of him. Jake finally backed off, and just stood in front of him.

“What?” Jake spat, narrowing his eyes at him.

“I said no. Harry loves me Jake, a lot more than you do. I want to be with him.” Louis responded quietly, averting his eyes to the ground.

“You will not be with him, he doesn’t love you Louis. No one could love you, but me. I’m just too kind.” Jake smirked, and kicked Louis in the shin so he’d pay attention to him.

Louis whimpered and looked back up at Jake, who was suddenly a lot closer. “You’re to stay away from him. Why don’t you understand? No one would ever love you like I do, and if Harry said he did, he’s just pitying you. He would never really love you.” Jake growled.

“You are so lucky to have me. No one else would love you, not that boy, no one.” Jake mumbled, and leaned into Louis’ ear. “If I find out you’ve been seeing him again, you’re dead.” He whispered, and Louis whimpered.

“Okay.” Louis agreed quietly, shaking as Jake pulled back. He slapped Louis one last time before turning around and storming into the kitchen.

Louis sniffled and rubbed at his cheek, and ran up the stairs to their room. He shut the door quietly so Jake wouldn’t get upset and sat down on the bed. He wiped at his eyes as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, and started to text a long text out to Harry. He told him everything that happened, and told him to come pick him up. He was just done with Jake. He couldn’t take it anymore.

Right when he was about to hit send, Jake’s words started to float through his head. “No one else would love you.”, “You’re so lucky to have me. “ He sniffled and stared down at the message. Maybe Jake was right. Maybe Harry didn’t love him at all. He’d just told Harry he loved him today, and maybe Harry just said it back so he wouldn’t feel bad. All he’d ever been to Harry was just some model for his paintings.

Before he could decide whether or not to send it, Jake came storming into the room. “What are you doing?” He asked, and Louis did his best to hide his phone.

“N-nothing.” He stuttered, but Jake came over and snatched his phone out of Louis’ hand anyways. He watched Jake’s face turn an ugly shade of red as he read the message, and he just shrunk down into the bed.

“What’s this? Why are you texting him?” Jake asked, walking over to the bed and sitting next to Louis. “Didn’t I just get done telling you not to talk to him?” He yelled, and Louis just stared up at him with wide eyes. He had no idea what to say.

Jake growled and Louis watched his fingers curl into a fist, and he felt a sudden, large blow to his stomach. He cried out and curled his arm around his stomach, curling into a ball on the bed so Jake wouldn’t punch him again.

Jake didn’t punch him again, he just grabbed Louis’ hair and yanked his head back to look at him.

“You won’t text or talk to this Harry ever again. There will be very serious consequences if you do, got it?” He spat, and Louis nodded a little, even though he really didn’t want to. Jake pulled at his hair roughly and laughed when Louis cried out again, before just letting go and storming out of the room with his phone.

So he didn’t text Harry for a long two weeks after that. He went through all the shit with Jake, which just seemed to get worse no matter what he did. He couldn’t even text Harry for help, because Jake had taken his phone. He hated himself every day after Jake took his phone for not just sending Harry the message, because then maybe he would’ve been free.

~~~~

Harry was worried, to say the least.

Louis hadn’t text him since their dinner date at his house, and now it was two weeks later. And he just couldn’t figure out what he’d done wrong.

Currently, he was sitting in his room, blankly watching the television with his phone in his lap. Just in case Louis text him, in case he needed him.

Maybe it was showing Louis his paintings, he thought, maybe that’s what scared him away. Or maybe it was the whole I love you thing.

Or, Louis was hurt. That’s what scared him the most, because Jake could have hurt Louis and he wouldn’t even be able to know about it.

He groaned and turned his face into his pillow. He felt sick thinking about it. He didn’t know what he’d do if Louis was hurt, or even worse, if Louis was gone. Louis had been everything he’d thought about for longer than they’d known each other. His love for Louis started long before that, when he saw him on the website.

He rolled back over and snatched up his phone, unlocking it to see all the messages he’d sent Louis over the last two weeks. The countless messages, reading “hey”, “are you okay?”, “I love you.”. Anything that he hoped would get a response out of Louis. But he never received anything back.

He slowly started to accept that Louis didn’t want him. The “I love you” had probably just slipped out, Louis didn’t actually love him. He knew it had been way too good to be true.

He locked his phone and threw it on the floor, curling back to shove his face into the pillow. It hurt, especially after he’d gotten his hopes too high.

And slowly, he started to get over Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment your thoughts :) ily all .x


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for reading :)

Harry woke the next morning, because of someone knocking on his door.

He dragged himself out of bed, and shuffled down the stairs to his front door. He opened it, seeing who he least expected to see. Louis.

He just stared at him for a minute, because it just didn’t seem real. Without really thinking, he reached up and slapped himself, as if he were in a dream. But it wasn’t a dream, and that’s why Louis stepped in quickly, grabbing Harry’s wrist.

“What the hell are you doing?” Louis asked, his musical voice ringing in Harry’s ears. It’d been so long since he’d heard it. He cleared his throat and Louis’ let go of his wrist.

“Why are you here?” He asked, looking to his feet. He felt extremely awkward, because he was still convinced that he’d done something wrong and that’s why Harry was ignoring him. But Louis’ wouldn’t show up if he’d scared him away, right?

~~~~

Louis felt really guilty that he hadn’t been able to talk to Harry. Jake had a lock on his phone, only letting him use it if his mother called or something. It had been hell.

So he’d snuck out, snuck to Harry’s house. And now here he stood, trying to come up with an excuse to give Harry for not talking to him for an entire two weeks.

“I’m sorry Harry.” He said, taking a step towards him. He was tired of distance between them. He’d be hugging Harry so tight he wouldn’t be able to breathe at that moment, but he felt like Harry was upset with him. “I was on a modeling trip. To New York City, in the States. My phone didn’t work over there.” He lied smoothly. He was used to lying by now.

Finally, Harry looked up at him, and he smiled a little. He seemed to buy it. “C’mere.” He said, pulling Harry in by his waist, and finally just hugging him. No more distance, no more Jake. For now.

“I thought you didn’t want me.” Harry mumbled into his jacket, and he shook his head quickly.

“Darling. Why on earth wouldn’t I want you?” He responded softly, pulling back a little. He wrapped his arm around Harry’s waist and walked with him to Harry’s living room so they could sit.

When they did, he just held Harry, because he could tell just how upset he’d made him. He owed it to him.

“Because I’m not good enough for you. You’re so great.. and I’m just.. I’m just Harry. I’m nothing special.” Harry said, and Louis’ heart fell. He couldn’t believe Harry said that.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I love you.” Louis said softly, tracing little patterns into Harry’s back through his t-shirt. “You’re everything to me.”

Harry didn’t say anything, and he knew Harry wouldn’t believe him. He pulled back and reached up, taking Harry’s face gently in his hands, staring into Harry’s beautiful green eyes. They looked so sad, so hopeless. It killed him knowing it was because of him.

“I love you.” He said firmly, raising his eyebrows a little.

“I love you.” He said, and then leaned in to gently kiss the soft lips that he’d missed so much. He pulled back, but Harry was still doubting him.

“I love you.” He said a little quieter, and kissed his nose. He kept doing this, kissing a different part of Harry’s flawless face each time. Every line, every crevice. Then he moved to Harry’s neck, softly kissing from his jaw to the collarbones jutting out of his skin. Harry would believe him.

Harry’s shirt started to get in the way, so he pulled it over his head, making his hair into an adorable mess on his head. But his eyes were still swimming with sadness.

He pushed Harry back onto the couch, and Harry just closed his eyes. He looked so horribly exhausted.

Louis leaned down over his bare chest, ghosting his lips over his pale skin and the dark ink of the tattoos on his chest. He still repeated the three words he was trying to drill into Harry’s mind. He pulled Harry back up into his arms and carried him into his bedroom. Harry fit perfectly into his arms, despite their height difference. He laid Harry out on his bed, and pressed their lips together again. Finally, Harry kissed him back.

And as Louis slowly rocked in and out of Harry that night, he was sure that Harry finally understood how much he loved him. And Louis was sure that Harry loved him back just as much.

They laid there afterwards, limbs tangled and skin sweaty. “I love you.” Louis said one last time, kissing Harry’s forehead.

“I love you too.” Harry said, pressing himself impossibly closer to Louis. He’d had sex before, but none of the times before were nearly this special. This one was with Harry.

“Promise you won’t leave me.” Harry said softly, and Louis could hear the tired tone in his voice.

“I promise I will never, ever leave you.” Louis replied, running his fingers lightly up and down Harry’s back, feeling goosebumps following them.

“Did you ever talk to Jake?” Harry asked. Louis swallowed nervously, because he had talked to Jake. And that’s why he’d had to stop talking to Harry for two weeks.

“No, I’ll talk to him tomorrow though. I promise. Me and him will finally be over. Then we can finally be together, alright?” He said, pulling back a little so he could smile at Harry. And of course, Harry smiled back and nodded.

He just hugged Harry again, his head swimming with a million different worries. He shouldn’t have promised things he couldn’t necessarily make happen. Jake would be upset, very upset. But he didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t just break up with Harry and be with Jake forever. He couldn’t handle that, this was his only way out.

He knew Harry was asleep after a few minutes of silence between them, but he didn’t mind. He just felt him steadily breathing against his chest, previous little snores mixed in here and there.

He decided he wouldn’t let Harry down. He would break up with Jake, and that was that.

In the morning, he woke long before Harry. He put his clothes back on and tucked the covers around Harry so he wouldn’t be cold without him. He wrote a note out to him, telling him that he’d call him later, and of course, that he loved him.

And after that, Louis started driving back home. It was the last time that he’d be coming home under Jake’s control. He’d be free the next time he left that house. One way or another, he would be free.

 

One way or another, he’d be free with Harry.


	8. Chapter 8

Louis drove into his driveway, full of courage to talk to Jake and end their horrible relationship for good.

He parked the car and walked to the front door, and unlocked it before swinging it open and waltzing in. He looked around in the eerily silent house, wondering where Jake was. He wanted to get this over with. “Jake? I’m home.” He called, toeing off his shoes before walking into the living room.

He saw Jake passed out on the couch, probably from another round of drinking at the bar with his friends. He sighed and shook his shoulder until he woke up, looking extremely grumpy and upset. “What the hell do you want?” Jake spat, sitting up. Hungover Jake was always very irritable, well more irritable that the regular Jake.

“We have to talk.” Louis said, and watched Jake stand up. He was a great deal taller than himself, but he wasn’t going to let Jake intimidate him out of this.

“Where were you last night?” Jake asked before he could bring anything up, his eyes going narrow. Louis frowned and stepped back a little, because Jake’s closeness was making him nervous. “No, get the fuck over here.” Jake growled, grabbing a handful of his jacket and pulling him forward. “Why do you smell like someone else?!” He said, blood rushing to fill his face, making him look even more scary.

Louis started shaking and he tried to mutter out an excuse, but before he could, Jake let out a scream and shoved him to the ground. “You were with that fag from the coffee shop again, weren’t you?” He yelled down at him, and Louis couldn’t even answer. All of his courage from a few minutes earlier was gone, and now he was just filled with fear.

“You’re going to pay Tomlinson, you’re going to pay for betraying me!” Jake exclaimed, and then stormed off to the kitchen. Louis scrambled up from where he sat, and made a run for the door.

~~~

Harry woke up to the shy morning sun shining through his window, and right on his face. He opened his eyes and groaned at the bright before rolling over sideways into his pillow.

He was met by a piece of paper instead of his beloved Louis. He opened his eyes and read the note, a smile slowing taking over his face. It just said how much fun he’d had the night before, and how much he loved him. It made up for him not being there, because he knew Louis had places to be. Things to do. Confronting Jake, like he promised.

He got up and showered, washing all of the precious memories of his first time off of him. He was still filled with such great happiness, because just a few short months earlier he’d been a lonely blogger scouring the internet for this man in the back of a coffee shop, and now he was with him. How could he not be overtaken by his happiness?

He hopped out of the shower and dried himself off. He wrapped the towel around his waist and walked back into his room, and saw Louis’ grey jumper sitting on his carpet. He picked it up and smiled, pulling it over his bare arms. It was warm and smelled just like Louis.

He finished getting dressed and then danced happily down the stairs to make himself breakfast. As he sat and ate his scrambled eggs, he thought about Louis confronting Jake again. He was horribly scared for him, but he knew Louis could do it. He’d just say they were over and then come back to him.

After he finished cleaning his dishes, he plopped down on his sofa and pulled out his phone. He called Louis to ask him how it went with Jake, because he’d surely be done by now, right? But it went right to voicemail, and his text messages after that went unanswered.

But Harry, being very blinded by his love, thought nothing of it.

~~~~~

Louis scrambled as fast as he could to the door, hearing heavy footsteps behind him.

He was just about to reach for the doorknob when a strong force pulled him back, and he hit Jake’s hard chest like he was a brick wall. “You thought you could get out.” Jake purred into his ear, and he let out a menacing laugh that sent shivers down his spine.

Jake shoved him back to the ground, and when he finally got himself together and turned around, he saw Jake wielding a knife. His eyes widened and he whimpered in fear, slowly standing up. “Jake.. What are you doing?” He asked, a horrible feeling rising in his stomach. A feeling, like he knew Jake was going to kill him.

“Please.. Let’s just talk this through.” Louis pleaded, staring into Jake’s eyes. They seemed black and bloodshot from how angry he was. And that just scared him more.

“I already tried to talk this through with you babe. I told you not to see him, and I told you there would be consequences if you did.” Jake said, running the blade of the knife across his sleeve. “You were always so persistent about me keeping promises.” Jake mused, smiling over at him.

Louis knew his only chance of getting out was to fight. He furrowed his eyebrows and curled his fingers into fists. “You can’t control me Jake. I’m not some kind of animal!” He said, staring right over at Jake. But then Jake started coming towards him, his face really red.

He felt that feeling again in his stomach, but a sudden rush of adrenaline sent him towards Jake, grabbing his wrist of the hand that held the knife, and started kicking his shins and punching him wherever he could.

But it wasn’t enough. Jake ripped his wrist from Louis’ weak grasp, instead grabbing Louis’ wrist and growling as he stared down into Louis’ eyes. He knew it, he knew this was the end. He couldn’t think of anything except Harry, and how upset he’d be. He let his baby down, and that’s the only thing he cared about.

“I can do anything I want Louis. If you won’t be mine, you can’t be anybody’s.” Jake snarled, and Louis whimpered, trying to squirm away.

“I hate you Jake!” He screamed, and with that, he felt the smooth, cold blade of the knife slice through his skin, deep into his stomach. He looked up at Jake, his mouth falling open as pain flooded his body. It was the horrible kind of pain, the kind that makes you feel like dying would be better than enduring it.

With that he fell to a heap in the ground, clutching the spot where the knife was sticking out of his stomach. Silent tears sprung up in his eyes, and he saw Jake walk over him and rip the knife out. He yelped in pain, curling in on himself to hold his stomach.

He heard the door slam, which was probably Jake leaving. He’s such a coward, Louis thought. Then he was alone, terribly alone, with his thoughts. Even the immense pain couldn’t keep Harry out of his head. He let Harry down.

He wished he’d just die already, because it hurt so bad and he just wanted it to be over. It felt like hours he’d been laying there in his own blood, but it was really only a few minutes. He never really believed in God, and he was sure that’s why he was making his death so horrible.

He heard the door open and slam again, and he heard a light, familiar voice call for him. “Louis?” It was Harry.

He whimpered and opened his eyes, seeing a terrified Harry staring down at him. “Harry.” He croaked out, reaching out for him. Harry grabbed his hand, and he saw that he was crying.

And with that, he slipped into the deep, black abyss of unconsciousness.

~~~~

Harry had walked into Louis’ house, finding him in the hallway, his white v-neck covered in blood.

He rushed over to him, quickly crouching down next to him. “Louis?” He said worriedly, shaking as he pressed his fingers to Louis’ neck to feel for a pulse. He felt one. He shook him again, his eyes filling with tears.

Then Louis’ eyes opened, and he just looked so relieved to see him. “Harry.” Louis said in a horribly raspy voice, and Louis tried to reach up for him, and he took Louis’ hand, squeezing it.

“Baby, you gotta stay awake for me. Please, stay awake.” Harry said quickly, pulling his phone out. But then Louis’ grip on his hand loosened, his eyes fell shut.

His heart dropped and he shook Louis’ shoulder. “Baby.” He cried desperately, shaking him. “Louis wake up! You can’t leave me!” He yelled, as if Louis would hear him and wake up. He pressed his shaky fingers to Louis’ neck again and the rhythm he prayed to feel wasn’t there.

He cried out hurriedly typed out the number on his phone, screaming at the woman and telling her that his baby was dead. They had to save him.

And ten minutes later, he was watching the EMTs hurriedly putting Louis on the stretcher, after they’d ripped off his shirt and shocked his heart back into beating. But that didn’t mean he would be okay.

He watched helplessly as they loaded him into the ambulance, and he jumped in the back with him. He cried, holding Louis’ cold, lifeless hand.

 

It felt like a dream, a horrible, horrible dream. But this was no dream he could wake up from.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left after this one :) Then I'll be starting a new story! Hope you all enjoy :)

The whole day after Louis got stabbed, Harry was in hell.

They’d gotten to the hospital after Louis died another time in the ambulance, and they decided that he needed surgery to repair the internal bleeding that he had. And Harry was forced to sit in the waiting room all through the night with Louis’ mum, not getting a wink of sleep. How could he?

He sat there, feeling so much hatred for Jake. How could he do such a thing to poor Louis? Louis, oh Louis, the boy he loved so much, who’d just wanted freedom from the prison Jake kept him in.

The only interruption he had was the police, saying they caught Jake, and found the knife to prove that he’d done it. But Jake being arrested was the least of his worries now, Louis was still in danger.

At about 3 A.M., eight hours after they’d gotten to the hospital, Louis’ surgeon came out to talk to them. He said that the surgery went okay, but there was a good chance Louis wouldn’t make it through the night.

Harry broke down, for probably about the fifth time, and just cried into his hands. He heard the doctor walk away, and he just couldn’t stop crying. He kept seeing Louis lying on the floor of his house, clutching the wound on his stomach.

Louis’ mum pulled him up by his arm, saying they could go see him. He nodded and followed her to Louis’ room. He watched Jay slowly push the door open, and he followed her inside. He put his hand over his mouth when he saw Louis.

He was laying on the bed, looking peaceful and calm. Or, he looked dead. He walked quickly over and took Louis’ hand, which was cold and pale. But the monitor was beeping, his heart was beating. Though, it wasn’t Louis. He wasn’t smiling, he wasn’t laughing and looking happy.

He heard Louis’ mum leave the room crying, so he just pulled a chair up next to the bed, still holding his hand. Louis was still out from the surgery, and he hoped that Louis would wake up. Wake up, and make a miraculous recovery so they could finally be together. Unlikely, he knew.

“Wake up, please wake up Lou.” He whispered, squeezing his hand.

The tears slipped silently from his eyes, and he just traced his fingers over Louis’ hand as he stared at his unmoving face. He was so beautiful, as before, but now in a horrible way. He kissed the back of Louis’ hand and just shook his head. He cursed God, he cursed whoever was out there that let this happen to such a beautiful person.

He sat there for hours, holding Louis’ hand as his mum and the nurses came and left. Soon it was night again, and he was exhausted. But he couldn’t go home, he couldn’t leave Louis’ side. What if something happened?

But then, just as he was curling up in the chair to fall asleep, Louis shifted. His heart jumped, and he sat on the edge of his chair, carefully watching him. “Louis?” He asked softly, grabbing his hand again.

Louis’ eyes opened ever so slightly, and a small smile came over his face. “Hi baby.” He croaked, and Harry cried out softly.

“I’m so glad you’re awake.” Harry said quietly, kissing his hand over and over again. “I missed you so much.” He whispered, looking back up at him.

Louis gave him a weak smile, and it actually broke his heart. He felt the sharp pain in his chest, and he felt his heart sink into his stomach. He knew Louis was dying.

Louis started shifting over in his bed, wincing with every slight movement. “Lay with me.” He whispered, closing his eyes again.

Harry protested, but Louis just kept insisting. He sighed and climbed into the hospital bed next to Louis, still holding his hand.

“I’m sorry Harry. I just wanted to make things better, and I made them much worse.” Louis said, his voice very raspy.

Harry shook his head. “Don’t be sorry love, you tried. And it’s better now, Jake got arrested. We can be together now.” He said with a forced smile, tears still rolling down his cheeks as he stared at the ugly painting across from Louis’ bed.

Louis didn’t say anything, and the room was only filled with the rhythmic beeping from Louis’ heart monitor. They both knew he would die, but neither of them could really say it out loud.

“Tired.” Louis murmured after a long period of silence, and Harry looked over at him. He looked so fragile, so weak. The life was already leaving him.

“Let’s sleep baby.” Harry said, squeezing Louis’ hand because he was afraid to cuddle him, because of the stitches in his stomach.

Louis scoot as close as he could to Harry without hurting himself, and Harry rest his cheek against Louis’ soft hair. “I love you so much Louis.” He said softly, closing his eyes.

“Love you too Harry.” Louis said quietly, and a few minutes later he heard Louis’ breathing even out, and he knew was asleep.

He had so much hope that Louis would wake up in the morning, that he could get better. And with that hope burning inside of him, he fell asleep.

But it didn’t last long. He was woken up by the only sound he didn’t want to hear. A long, endless, beep, that signified that the heart monitor had flat lined.

He jumped up, looking down at Louis. His heart started racing, and he gently shook his shoulder. “Louis?! Louis, baby wake up.” He begged, shaking him.

He started crying, and rapidly pressed the nurse button on Louis’ bed. “No, baby stay with me, come back!” He said loudly, shaking Louis’ shoulder. But he did nothing, Louis just laid there.

“You can’t leave me! You can’t leave me here!” Harry yelled, tears pouring down his cheeks. The nurse came hurrying in, and she immediately rushed over and pulled him away from Louis, so she could check him. He just stood back, feeling so helpless.

A doctor came hurrying in as well, pressing his fingers to Louis’ neck to make sure the machine wasn’t malfunctioning. But the look on the doctor’s face confirmed his fear. Louis was gone.

The doctor gave him a sympathetic look, and told him he was sorry. They walked from the room, leaving him in the eerie silence, death hanging in the air.

Louis’ mum came rushing in moments later, and she broke down into his arms. He cried with her, in complete disbelief. Louis was gone, he was actually gone. He would never come back. The beautiful boy he’d looked at pictures of and painted for months, was laying lifeless on the bed next to him.

He felt like he was dreaming, like this couldn’t be real.

~

They stayed at the hospital awhile longer, saying their goodbyes to Louis, even if he wasn’t there.

And then Harry went home, and went straight to his room. He saw Louis’ grey jumper that had practically become his, and just picked it up. It was Louis’ favorite shirt, and he gave it to Harry, because he knew just how much he loved it too. He curled up in his bed with it, feeling so numb.

He dragged himself out of bed and pulled the paintings of Louis that he’d hidden in his closet. He stared at his beautiful smiling face, wishing that he could just see it once more, and feel the soft, pink lips against his own one last time. But he couldn’t Louis was gone.

It didn’t seem real, it couldn’t be real.

 

But as it seemed, it was so, very, very real.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter :) I'm posting a new story so be sure to go check that out thank you all for reading it's been fun :)

Harry woke up in the morning, only to find that his nightmare was in fact reality.

He could barely drag himself out of bed, he just had no will to go on anymore. In the few months he’d known Louis, he’d become his entire life. And now he was gone, just gone forever.

He showered for what seemed like forever, just staring at the wall. He couldn’t even bring himself to cry, because he just felt so numb. It still didn’t seem real.

He got out of the shower and sat on the cool tile of the bathroom floor, just letting the water drip from him. Louis was probably watching him, begging him not to be sad. But it wasn’t fair, and if Louis was actually thinking that it was quite selfish. Louis could see him, but he could never again see Louis.

He stared at the bottle of pills on his countertop, horrible thoughts playing through his mind. He thought back to when Louis woke up, to the last time they actually spoke.

“It’s better, we can be together now.” He’d said. He had a promise to keep to Harry.

He scrambled up from where he was sitting on the ground and grabbed the pills, his hands shaking as he sat on the toilet and poured them into his hand. He stared down at them, thinking of his mum and his sister and even his cat.

It was probably the grief flooding his veins or the sudden adrenaline from this idea, but he didn’t care about all of that. All that mattered was his promise to Louis, and making him happy. This was the only way he could keep his promise.

He swallowed a few of the pills, and they slid painfully down his throat. He felt so accomplished once they were down. He was going to see Louis again.

“We’ll be together Lou, don’t worry.” He whispered and swallowed down the rest of the pills.

And before he knew it, he was slipping into the dark nothingness of what he assumed was death. The dark nothingness where his Louis was.

~~

Louis woke up, and looked around the room.

At first he was confused, because it was his old house. He was laying in his old bed, and he heard someone breathing next to him.

He looked over and almost screamed when he saw it was Jake.

He quickly put his hand over his mouth, trying to figure out what was going on. Why wasn’t Jake in jail? Why didn’t he have a gaping wound in his stomach? Where the hell was Harry?

But most importantly, why wasn’t he dead?

He hurried up and grabbed his phone, searching hurriedly through his contacts. But Harry was no where in there. He whimpered and sat back on his bed, clutching his phone.

It was all just a dream. Harry wasn’t real, there was no spectacular boy who treated him like the sun and protected him from the horrible Jake. He sniffled and laid back down on his bed, next to Jake who was still snoring.

He held his phone to his chest, trying to hold onto the last moments of the beautiful dream he had before they much too soon drifted away.

~~

Harry woke up, expecting there to be angels and clouds that would take him to Louis.

But instead, he opened his eyes to his boring old room, with his paintings of Louis strewn all over the floor and leaning up against most of the walls. His laptop was on the bed next to him, the Ralph Lauren website open to Louis’ line of polos.

He furrowed his eyebrows and sat up, staring at the screen. He hadn’t looked at the website in months, since he had pictures of Louis on his phone that he’d taken of Louis in real life. He didn’t even remember looking at them, he just remembered wanting to see Louis. And taking the pills to get there.

And then it hit him like a brick wall, Louis was gone. He sniffled and grabbed his phone, and unlocked it to find the pictures of Louis and himself so he could at least feel a little better. But there was nothing, no pictures, no nothing.

He got really sad, because it was all he really had of Louis. Except, he remembered the jumper Louis gave him. He’d worn it last night. He looked down to see himself not even wearing a shirt.

He was so confused. Where was all the stuff he’d had to remember Louis by?

He heard his mum call him for breakfast, and he slowly walked down the stairs, so sad because he’d failed at trying to keep Louis’ promise and now every trace of him was gone from his life, except for the paintings.

“Mum did you take my jumper from Louis?” He asked sadly, sitting down at the table his mum had set with eggs and bacon.

His mum gave him a strange look. “Who’s Louis love?” She asked, pouring him a glass of orange juice. 

After breakfast, he was even more confused. He went back upstairs and sat on his bed, thinking really hard.

He decided he would call Louis’ number and see if his voicemail was still there. He searched through his contacts, but there was nothing there. And then it clicked.

It was all just a fucking dream. He’d never met Louis, they’d never fallen in love. He’d never almost saved his life. It was all the horrible work of his sick brain.

He sniffled and stared at his laptop that was still open to Louis’ modeling page. It made sense. If it wasn’t a dream, then why would he have all of his paintings sitting out and why would he be looking at pictures of Louis online?

He was so sad, and he got dressed to go to the coffee shop just like he had every other morning. Because all those mornings he didn’t go were just in his dream.

He packed up his laptop and walked through the brisk London air. He walked into the cozy coffee shop, and it seemed like months since he’d been there. He took his usual seat in the back, and opened his laptop. He still didn’t even know this model’s name, because his stupid brain had probably just made it up to make him upset.

He scrolled through endless Google posts, trying to figure out the guy’s real name just like he did every other morning.

He heard the little bell on the door ring, followed by a gust of cool London air from outside. The waitress brought him his usual tea and he sipped at it with a sigh, not being able to shake the memory of the scarily vivid dream he’d had.

He heard footsteps walk up to his table. He sat in the back corner for a reason, couldn’t this bloke find another place to sit?

~~

Louis walked into the coffee shop across from the photoshoot he’d had that day, because he was just so stressed out.

He couldn’t forget the dream he had, how real Harry had seemed and how perfect he was.

He walked into the cozy little shop, and saw a lonely boy sitting in the back corner by himself. He felt bad for him so he ordered his drink and then walked back to the table.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked politely, and the man just mumbled a no like he was annoyed, or just really stressed out. He wouldn’t take his eyes off of his laptop screen, so he assumed he was in uni and had some big paper he had to write. He felt bad, because he was feeling pretty much as equally stressed out.

He pulled the chair out, the legs scraping against the slate floor tiles. He sat down and took his mug from the waitress, thanking her as she walked away. He sighed and sipped at his tea.

He felt really awkward because the man wasn’t even talking to him. He decided to introduce himself.

“Hi, my name’s Louis.” He said with a little smile, and the man’s eyes jerked up from the screen to meet his.

He choked on his coffee and coughed loudly into his elbow. It was Harry, Harry the guy from his dream. It was him, sitting right there in front of him.

Recognition flashed in Harry’s eyes, and he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He felt such a strong connection to him. Harry didn’t even say anything either.

“My name’s Har-“ Harry started to say, but Louis interrupted him.

“Harry. I know, I think we may have met before.” He said with a little smile, and Harry smiled back with that gorgeous smile he was convinced could only happen in a dream. He was sure Harry felt something too.

Under the table, he pinched his arm, because he couldn’t risk having another dream about Harry.

But he now knew that this was real, this was it. What he’d been praying for finally came.

~

And while the two boys drank their tea and talked, neither of them said anything about their dreams. They didn’t think much of how talking to a complete stranger seemed much like talking to an old friend they’d known for years. They assumed it was coincidence, as much of us do. But really it was fate, pulling two individuals destined to become one together.

You have to dream before your dreams can come true.  
-Abdul Kalam 

El fin


End file.
